Breakdown

I can’t believe I just broke down and cried in front of Lady Boss’ crazy No. 2 this evening. I can’t believe I’m still working for and reporting to these insane church-goers.

“You’re not up to my standard. I can’t understand your report. Why repeat the names and dates so many times when all you have to do is to type it once? Why haven’t you told Ms E to rewrite her letter properly? The alignment is still out. It’s not professional at all,” No. 2 blabbed on.

When the waterworks came about (“I’m sorry, I’ve never been like this before, sob, sniff”), No. 2 said, “Something’s bothering you in your personal life. Nevermind, we’re here to help you….”

Sure. I can’t wait to go through another pummelling session tomorrow. Nothing beats getting bashed up on a daily basis by a caring, loving Jesus-lover-of-my-soul follower.

The only reason why I have not done anything crazy like jumping off a building or hurting myself with knives is because of my parents. I cannot disappoint them.  Whatever money that I am able to save up on my own would be for them as they approach their sunset years from here.

My recent meals have never costed more than a total of $3.00 on a normal working day. Doesn’t matter if I end up looking real skinny because no one’s gonna be too bothered about this anyway.  Special meals that I used to buy for M sometimes almost reached $20 for each meal but I never thought too much about the price. I used to even walk around in the rain to buy him food when he was too sick to get up. At one time in the middle of last year, he ended up almost broke, but he always had really silly people around to rescue him. He always knew how to get people to buy and get him anything. I totally gave away too much to this useless man.

Health-wise, I’m still OK so far (I’m not referring to my mental state of mind). Motivational books and articles that tell me to “Love Yourself” and “appreciate what you have today” might work to a certain extent, but I still do end up crying while walking on the streets or sitting in front of my computer most of the time.

“You know, I used to hate listening to mushy love songs. But it’s different now,” I used to tell M.

 I now hate listening to mushy love songs. They make me sick.