after the quake

“Can you forgive him for what he has done to you?” Madam Professional Counsellor had asked me.

For a moment, I couldn’t bring myself to say anything and just sat there quietly.

“I don’t know,” I finally said.

I don’t know.

I don’t. No.

I won’t. No.

Part of me longs to have him return to me. The other part longs to have him fed to the crows.

The economy was booming. People had more money than they knew what to do with. And then the earthquake struck. For the characters in “after the quake”, the Kobe earthquake is an echo from a past they buried long ago. Satsuki has spent thirty years hating one man: a lover who destroyed her chances of having children. Did her desire for revenge cause the earthquake?

When I saw that book four days ago, I knew I had to own it. Haruki Murakami did not disappoint. His stories had me immediately enthralled, what more with me being able to identify myself with one of the characters from his earthquake novel.

She thought about the child to which she never gave birth. She had destroyed that child…. And then she had spent 30 years hating one man. She had hoped that he would die in agony. In order to bring that about, she had gone so far as to wish in the depths of her heart for an earthquake.

“I feel you, Satsuki. I wonder if I’m going to go on harbouring my hatred for that one man for so many years; that earth-shattering hatred,” I had said to myself four days ago.

So engrossed was I with the book that I had not even realized a disastrous earthquake had actually taken place in Japan around the time while I was seriously poring through Murakami’s book. I only found out about the Minamisanriku disaster two days ago and how M had linked this horrifying event with the nonsensical religion-based doomsday theory. 

Anyway, what I'm going through isn't as horrifying as what the many in Japan are going through right now. My personal problems pale in comparison to all the shit that's going on out there. 

I so hate going back to the office again to work. But office slaves like me cannot be easily excused from the office.

Lady Boss’ No. 2 is currently overseas in a country that’s located somewhat near Japan. Dang, if only she had been in Minamisanriku two days ago. Her former colleagues had so totally disliked her. She, who is not even qualified to be a Head of Department, could end up becoming a Principal in this insane school.  

Translator Jay Rubin says of the collection, "The central characters in ‘after the quake’ live far from the physical devastation, which they witness only on TV or in the papers, but for each of them the massive destruction unleashed by the earth itself becomes a turning point in their lives. They are forced to confront an emptiness they have borne inside them for years."

Could I ever forgive this insane Principal who made me feel worthless?

I won’t. No. Definitely not. 

Could I ever forgive M?

I won't. No. I hope he burns in his atheist hell.